Don’t Underestimate Toxic
Have you ever been told to be grateful for what you have simply because it could always be worse? That’s one of those ideas that gets into your head early in life, and then just keeps on sticking around. Whatever positive intention or kernel of wisdom was supposed to be in that idea, the sad truth is that it’s often weaponized against us as children and as adults. When that happens, the message boils down to this: Shut up and accept what’s given to you.
Well, clearly we’re not doing that. But the problem is that this message comes in a lot of different kinds of packaging. That makes it harder to spot, and harder to resist outright. But at the heart of this message is the issue of comparison: the assertion that we should only make sense of our situation as it stacks up relative to others. This is a sneaky assertion! After all, we’re not alone in the world and we shouldn’t be. We need others in order to give and receive support. We need others in order to live into our sense of purpose. It makes sense to care about other people’s stories, and it’s normal to seek validation in their assessments and opinions. But — and this is non-negotiable — we need to trust ourselves to define our own terms. That’s true when we’re defining our own success; and it’s still true when we’re discerning which work environments are toxic to us as individuals. Yes, we can decide on shared criteria and evaluate various companies accordingly. But when it comes to your individual health and wellbeing, you are the first and final judge.
I am so happy that our everyday understanding of health and wellbeing is becoming more and more holistic. Psychological and emotional health are not merely valid in addition to physical health; they deeply impact physical health. You don’t have to be an expert to figure that out. When we take the time to tune in to our own experiences, we quickly find that to be true. I found out firsthand! Those experiences gradually led me to trust myself more deeply, and to be my own fiercest advocate. From insomnia to splitting headaches and much worse, I spent too long trying to tough it out because I had a “good” job. The physical toll kept mounting until I needed consistent medical attention. To add insult to injury, I then received feedback for having “too many doctor’s appointments” even in the midst of a high risk pregnancy! It was the epitome of a vicious cycle. My advice to you: Don’t wait until it gets that bad!
So, how do you know that your work environment is toxic to you? Follow this 3-point list:
1. Check in with your body.
Notice what’s actually happening in your body throughout your work day, and in the rhythm of your week. Take the time to notice any changes and developments in your physical health over time. If you find yourself having headaches or stomach aches, try to pinpoint when they start and when they’re at their strongest. Do the same for any aches, pains, or ailments.
2. Check in with your heart.
Notice any emotional heaviness, strain, or numbness. Pay attention to feelings of dread or depletion. Remember, these feelings don’t have to be at the maximum in order to be important, valid, and worth listening to. The goal is to make a positive change before things get desperate and before you suffer avoidable harm.
3. Check in with your mind.
Notice your level of mental engagement, or lack thereof. Pay attention to the presence or absence of your curiosity and your excitement in general, as well as during specific tasks and projects. This will give you huge insights into whether you’re being adequately challenged and supported; and whether your employer is invested in your potential or is leaving you overwhelmed and ignored.
If you’re getting warning signs, believe them! Avoid the trap of comparison and take those signals seriously. Nobody else is experiencing the firsthand impact on you; so they don’t get to tell you that it could be worse. They don’t know what staying in that environment is really costing you. YOU do. Believe yourself.
