It’s Hard To Bring Your Whole Self To Work. Do It Anyway.
You deserve to bring your whole self to work.
You deserve to have your identities and lived experience be respected and highly valued. You deserve protection from retaliation when you speak your truth. More than that, you deserve a reassuring and affirming company culture that allows you to show up without fear. That sounds good, doesn’t it? But too few of us can claim that as our current reality.
We have a long way to go before everyone can genuinely feel safe at work. The burden seems to always fall on us to shrink, hide, or change ourselves in order to be “professional.” The assumption that something about you just “doesn’t fit” shows up in tons of bad advice -- like suppressing your accent or changing your name on a resume.
It also shows up as that inner voice saying, “Don’t speak up.” “Keep that to yourself.” “Just smile, and walk away as soon as you can.” Now bear with me on this: Show up anyway. Speak up anyway. Be more you in spite of it all.
Remember, you are your most powerful asset. All the different facets of you have a role to play in your success. I can assure you that in your life you have already accumulated deep reserves of wisdom, creativity, and savvy. You need those reserves available to you at work. They are part of how you problem solve and collaborate. They are part of how you perceive and navigate the world. Because of that, those reserves are a huge component of what you have to offer in any role. It’s impossible for you to shine without them.
To be clear, bringing your whole self to work is not about relinquishing your boundaries or giving endlessly to your company like a martyr. It’s about making sure that all of your resources are available to you whenever you need them. When you leave parts of yourself at home, you’re leaving some of your brilliance at home. You’re leaving some of your creativity at home. You’re walking out the door without your full capacity to innovate. All of these are tools that you need at your disposal in order to get the most out of your job. Notice that I’m saying get the most and not just give the most. You know that compartmentalizing yourself is exhausting. Masking parts of yourself is exhausting. How much more energy could you have if you didn’t spend it fighting yourself, or pushing such important parts of you away? You need that energy if you’re going to make your job work for you.
When you hold parts of yourself back, you end up sacrificing your own capacity to function -- let alone excel. Additionally, you compromise your own ability to recruit (or convert) genuine allies. Remember, business is relationship-driven at the core. Let me emphasize that no, you are in no way responsible for the ways others misperceive or misrepresent you. Entrenched bias or outright bigotry is not your fault, and it’s not something you “manifest” or “attract.” That being said, fragmenting or disguising your personality guarantees that you will miss out on helpful and empathetic connections. Your colleagues will not advocate for you if they feel like they do not know you. In order to build supportive and transformational relationships at work, you must show up fully as yourself.
This is tricky stuff! Furthermore, until we make substantial gains in the realm of equity and inclusion, bringing your whole self to work will be a calculated risk. But there are strategies for that, and the freedom it will bring you is worth it.
